Powerful Urges...

I am feeling a powerful need for my ex today, specifically a carnal need, that is so strong, that it is physically affecting me. My brow is sweaty and my legs are pulsing, under the desk. I can feel that my pulse is elevated and my breathing is shallow. She was an exciting, playful, game girl who would respond when I emailed, called or texted these sorts of thoughts to her. The responses I got from her, were enough to curl your toes, Dear Reader. (Social Convention prevents me from elaborating. Sorry.)

I think its because she's talking to me again. Friendly, inquisative, playful emails that are sent to me from a million miles away, in the land of Happily Involved With Someone Else. I've already been cautioned by her that the increased contact shouldn't be taken as a sign that Anything Is Amiss. And yet, that is what my instinct is telling me.

I'll bet you she is feeling the same itch, Dear Reader.
I'll bet you that she is in her office, which is both A Million Miles Away and 5 Blocks Away, with her shoes off, kneeding the carpet under her desk and biting her lip. Needing something that she can't bring herself to ask for. Because she feels that she shouldn't.

Because of Him.

I think this is what is happening.
And that's why I am getting the playful old emails, again. And I am playing back and subtly dropping the old hints and clues and code words and she's responding and we both know what we're talking about, without talking about it.

I can't take it.
It's distracting me, here at work. So, I've made a curt exit from the last email and closed that door for today. And anything else that I'm feeling, I am keeping to myself. Or downloading into this journal, hoping that this Powerful Urge will subside.

I could also be having a slow, pleasant heart attack. If so, then this isn't so bad.

I think I will go to the break room and chew up a piece of ceiling tile. That should serve to ablely distract me.

Engine running,
COB